I’ll never forget I was sitting on my bedroom floor, looking at myself in the closet mirror then looking down at my phone and back at the mirror, waiting for the timer to go off.
One hundred and eighty seconds would determine the course of the rest of my life. “What if I’m pregnant?”, “What will people think?”, “How am I going to graduate?”. So many thoughts cut short by the ringing of my phone. I stood up and walked to the bathroom and with a pit in my stomach, I looked at the pregnancy test. “YES”. Funny (and not so funny) enough, when buying the test I didn’t want there to be any confusion with all the lines: one line, two lines, a “faint” line, a dark line! TOO MANY LINES. So I decided to go with the digital test that says, “yes” or “no”.
“YES, I guess you can have my number”. The words I said to a man I had never met before and little did I know that “yes” would change the rest of my life. Talking about how I met him and the details of our relationship is honestly a waste of space and it lasted about as long as it will take you to read this post. Our relationship ended when he decided to sleep with someone else. One month later I found myself in my bathroom on the floor crying because my “yes” to a man I knew wasn’t right for me, lead to a “yes” that I had always dreamed of, but never imagined would happen like this.
All of this happened the week I began my internship for teaching at the University of North Florida. In between seminars, I was calling the OBGYN and scheduling blood tests to make sure this was really happening before I told my family. Thursday August 25th, 2016 I received a call congratulating me on becoming a mommy. For so long I had always dreamed of hearing those words, but never like this. I was 22, living with my parents, no money to my name, no degree, and the biological father nowhere in sight.
I’ll never forget going into the UNF bathroom after receiving the phone call and just feeling so broken. I was the girl who told everyone she was waiting for marriage. I was the girl who spoke at the “True Love Waits” meetings and told young girls who looked up to me to wait on their husbands. It was my pride, I’ll admit, but moreso the thought of letting so many people down and most importantly my heavenly Father.
BUT in that moment of brokeness, I remember saying, “Ok God, just use this for Your glory”. *(and spoiler alert He did, as He always does.)
One by one, I told all my family members. One by one, they all cried and then wrapped their arms around me and told me they loved me. After all, babies are a gift from God and little did I know this baby would be the greatest gift of all.
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28